[He wants to shoot back something at that, at wanting authenticity and not...and not what he only seems to know how to do. What is he supposed to show her? This isn't getting him anywhere.]
[He truly doesn't Know, and it shows for a moment, his frustration heightening, his hair flaring up, the eyes-]
[But then the rest of the information halts him.]
[It starts off being fascinating knowledge and not something he thinks he's seen commented on too strongly on the netbooks, or in any other records and notes he's gotten his hands on. He's seen some chatter where people speculated they were moons or suns, but nothing that seemed like it was assigned. It was Vanilly's entry about the seance, wasn't it...? Yes.]
[When it comes to explaining his own, he is ...much less surprised than maybe he ought to be. No ...Truthless had been very blunt about it. Their similarities. He'd taken it as insult at the time, he still does. He still feels a deep burning hatred for their warden for reasons that are entirely personal, but he does see it. He knows that in another life this could have been him, would have been him. It has already kind of been him.]
[He's silent probably a little too long, really churning over this. The eyes in his hair look pensive, but disquieted too. Some are looking on in thought while some dart about with unease. When he speaks up again, the theatrics are gone. His voice is weirdly even, articulate. Soft.]
To be a shell, or a vessel for pain and anger, that's a role I know very well. To have hatred and anger burn you out from within, and to discard what you once were. I have worn the mask of this part for so long, the chances are high there's nothing left behind it but crumbs.
[He pauses, like he's working something out.]
I only have the mask of the monster to work from, and it's easy to slide back into. [But he is trying to heed Vanilla's words. About what he doesn't want him to become. After a moment of clear hesitation, reluctance, he drops the shapeshifting used to change his eye, and let's it flicker back into gold.]]
Seamus is dead, the Virtue of Knowledge is dead, and Shadow Milk Cookie ...he's also dead. Who stands before you ...not even I know, I'm afraid.
no subject
[He truly doesn't Know, and it shows for a moment, his frustration heightening, his hair flaring up, the eyes-]
[But then the rest of the information halts him.]
[It starts off being fascinating knowledge and not something he thinks he's seen commented on too strongly on the netbooks, or in any other records and notes he's gotten his hands on. He's seen some chatter where people speculated they were moons or suns, but nothing that seemed like it was assigned. It was Vanilly's entry about the seance, wasn't it...? Yes.]
[When it comes to explaining his own, he is ...much less surprised than maybe he ought to be. No ...Truthless had been very blunt about it. Their similarities. He'd taken it as insult at the time, he still does. He still feels a deep burning hatred for their warden for reasons that are entirely personal, but he does see it. He knows that in another life this could have been him, would have been him. It has already kind of been him.]
[He's silent probably a little too long, really churning over this. The eyes in his hair look pensive, but disquieted too. Some are looking on in thought while some dart about with unease. When he speaks up again, the theatrics are gone. His voice is weirdly even, articulate. Soft.]
To be a shell, or a vessel for pain and anger, that's a role I know very well. To have hatred and anger burn you out from within, and to discard what you once were. I have worn the mask of this part for so long, the chances are high there's nothing left behind it but crumbs.
[He pauses, like he's working something out.]
I only have the mask of the monster to work from, and it's easy to slide back into. [But he is trying to heed Vanilla's words. About what he doesn't want him to become. After a moment of clear hesitation, reluctance, he drops the shapeshifting used to change his eye, and let's it flicker back into gold.]]
Seamus is dead, the Virtue of Knowledge is dead, and Shadow Milk Cookie ...he's also dead. Who stands before you ...not even I know, I'm afraid.